My Secret Diary

UKISS 1ST FAN MEETING IN MALAYSIA 2010

2010-06-20T12:03:00.000-07:00

It happens on 19th June 2010 at Plenary Hall KLCC at 2 pm, the event kicks off after delayed around 20-30 minutes. The 7 boys in the group UKISS (Alexander, Kiseop, Kibum, Soohyun, Eli, Kevin and Dongho) appears on stage with white outfits. The whole hall went crazy with the shouting and screaming of fans. Its as if the ceiling of the hall gonna brought down by us. The 7 boys looks stunning with their white outfits. Oh yeah~ I forgot that the MC which is Ryan from OneFm ask us to kiss the boys out. We really make the kissing sound and it's so loud some more XD

The event starts with playing games. There were 2 games and 14 contestant from the audience and I can only say that the 14 of them were so DAMN LUCKY!!!! One of them gets a group hug (AHHHHH!!!!!). One of them gets to stay on stage to celebrates Dongho's birthday (AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). One of them gets a bridal carry from Soohyun (AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!). One of them gets to do the forever famous Titanic pose with Kiseop (AAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! My Kiseop ah~ T^T). They were so lucky, lucky and lucky. Besides that, I always remembered Eli hugging people. That stays fresh in my mind. Now, for me Eli = hugging. Hahaha!!!

UKISS were so friendly and playful at the same time. But when it comes to performance time, they were so serious. They did their best to give us their best performance. And I heard that Kiseop was sick that time. He didn't show anything and just keep on with the whole fan meeting (Kiseop!!! Kiseop!!! Kiseop!!!). They performed Bingeul Bingeul, Talk To Me, I Like You, Mworago, Man Man Ha Ni (Alexander says it in Cantonese which is "Man Man Ha Nei" XD) and a love song which is by Boyz II Men "End Of The Road". It's really heart melting. They say that this was the first time they sang it and hope that we will like it. Alexander says that he hope to melt us because we're Ice Kacang. Hahaha... Well, They really melt one heart here ^o^

Ending, they thanks us, the fans for supporting them and all. Last but not least, Alexander cannot stand of not talking and blurted out some Cantonese XD If I didn't remembered it wrongly he say something like "Kei sat ngo sek kong gong dung wah. Ngo hou san fu kong em dou wah. Yi ka kong jor chut lei ngo hou shu fuk. Yau bing ko sek gong dung wah?" Translation "Actually I know how to talk in Cantonese. I feel uncomfortable that I cannot speak. Now that I've spoken I feel relieve. Who knows Cantonese?" Something like that. Have to watch back fan cams to get his exact words. Seriously, I laugh all my heart out. He is so funny. The fan sign start after they rest for 5 minutes. Only VIP section can get their signature. Mine was the pre-signed or printed on the album.

I didn't go into much detail of which song they sang first and what have they done because as usual it stayed fresh in my mind for couple of hours and after that I've forgoten part of it >_<

Now, back to my own story. I encountered funny moment with Kiseop. Actually I had to walk past Eli and Kevin to get to him. I'm so sorry to Eli and Kevin that pass me the album and I didn't take it. So so so sorry~ I can only take 1 album. Mianhae~ by the way Kevin looks like angel with flawless skin and his smile makes him looks so cute!!! Back to Kiseop. I stand infront of him, held out my hand to get the album from him and in the end I felt so embarassed!!! AHHH!!! He's standing there and was like hesitated to give me the album. YAH!!!! So embarassing!!! I looked at him weirdly and in the end he hand me the album. What makes my heart cool down was his smile. He is freaking handsome + his smile = melts right a way.

Another funny moment was with Kibum. After I received the album from Kiseop, I need to walk pass the other remaining members. Next to Kiseop was Alexander or Dongho. I can't remember well. Dongho was so cute when he smile. He smile so brightly which makes me felt that he's a lil bro to me (He's younger than my youngest brother and was only 1 year apart). Alexander was handsome.. and his eyes were really big. Okay okay back to Kibum. As I walk pass him I continuously saying bye and with my hand motion. Right after I walk past him, he's like sliding to his right to check on me and say bye to me again!! Aigoo!! He was so cute~ My heart really flowers that time. I'm so so so happy ^o^

Lastly, I walked past Soohyun. He is so friendly and keep saying bye. He even lean to his right to say another bye to me. Aww~ he's such a good guy. Although I know that they will most probably do the same thing to other fans but I'm satisfied to get this close to them. Next time I want a hug or maybe a hand shake or high five. My most happy day in the month of June.

Actually before I go to the stage with my cousin, I ask her what should we say to them? She's like... don't know~ I was like maybe "Alexander nei hou leng zai aa" or maybe "Saranghae". When the MC say no hand shake, I thought of high five. Hahaha!!! But when I got on the stage, I lost my words and forgot bout the high five. I only had 1 motion which is waving my hand and say bye. Totally frozen and my mind went blank. But I'm happy with the encounter with Kiseop and Kibum.

Thanks UKISS. You guys were the greatest. Although I'm not 1 of the lucky fans to get hug, sign on the album, took photographs together or hand shake, that event makes many girls hugged by you guys. We never had this kind of fan services before. You guys were the best. I'm truly happy for them.

P/s: When I got home and look at myself in the mirror, I was so shocked!!! My mascara smears on my under eye. AARRGGHH!!! Maybe that's the reason why Kiseop stunned there, Kibum slided to his right to say bye to me again, and Dongho smile so brightly. AAARRGGGHH!!! My image is gone. Nightmare.. nightmare.. T^T

2nd p/s: Change the song of Not Young to Mworago. Thanks for Haeng Ii's reminder ^^

My dream ^_^

2010-04-13T08:05:00.000-07:00

Okay... I know I know.. It's been a long time again ever since the last time I post an entry here. I just got lazy and ..... lazy~

Anyway, there's so many things happen the past 4 months. The most interesting one was SUPER JUNIOR SUPER SHOW 2 LIVE IN MALAYSIA!!!! Only one word to describe that concert.. AWESOME!!!! SUPERB!!!! MARVELOUS!!!! JJANGG!!!! Okay, that's 4 words but nontheless it's the most amazing concert I've ever attended. I think I'm gonna post an entry about it.. before I forget everything about it because of my short term memories >_<

Another thing is.. I'm gonna do an entry about my cosmetic collections mainly or mostly also korean brands which I love because of the good quality and price competitive (means cheap >_<).

The main thing I'm gonna write today is about my dream ^_^ I dreamt of SHINee!!!! Oh my gosh!!! The second time I dreamt of Kpop artists. Why do I wanna brag about it?? It's because I rarely... read my lips RARELY dream of celebrities and what's more... Kpop artists!!!

The story goes on like this. My mom, brother and I went to a country side dog shop look-a-like barn. I actually don't understand why we got there. Anyways, when we got in, there's a monkey rack thingy.. the one that was at the playground. It's just that this one is bigger. We need to crawl in and climbing and crawling and climbing to get into the shop like its at the underground. Then i forgot what we did in there so I skip it to the part when we got out. Hehe...

Okay, when we got out, the compound change to a school compound. And there's many people plus students. My mom and brother went out to get the car and ask me to faster go out. I don't know why I got delay and I'm pretty scare of my mom because she's the impatient type and would just leave me or scold me if I'm late >_< Okay... My phone rang and I'm sure it was from my mom so I quickly search for my phone and the ringtone was Ring Ding Dong... While I'm searching I walk pass by this 3 guys whose in red and black outfits. When I manage to get my phone and when I wanna answered it (still ringing with the ringtone) one of the guy which is Jong Hyun sang along with the song following me. Then, Tae Min and Onew follow along also. When I press answered.. my mom hang up >_< 3 of them still singing and follow me around. I wish that my mo won't rush me because SHINee is following me around but due to my mom's impatient "sickness", I need to rush to her immediately or else. So, I try to find the gate or the exit. SHINee still following me around and once I turn back and ask them something... "Nugu saeyo?".. >_< Don't know why I ask them that but I was very happy.

When I found the gate, there were many people around that area and they quickly swarmed SHINee which is pretty sad to me. I walk pass the gate and saw no sign of my mom!!! I was looking behind and them signing signature to the swarm of people. I got jealous and and wanted to walk to them once more. Before I can even reach them, my phone rang again... and this time my phone really rangs but the ringtone was TTL. It wake me up from my dream!!! And it was wrong number =.=||| DUH!!!! But I'm still happy and satisfied because I dreamt of SHINee since I rarely got to dream this kind of dream >_<

If it's not the "worng number" call... I can still continue my dream T^T..

Etude House Shopping Spree

2009-12-24T12:32:00.001-08:00

Few days ago, I went to shopping with Jing Yin and Esther at 1 Utama and I get some make up stuffs at Etude House. To my surprise, finally the highlighter has arrived!!! It is such a lucky day for us because we've been waiting so long for it!!! Without further ado, presenting the famous highlighter~~~

CODE B - Bright Eyes Highlighter (RM 35.91 after 20% discount)

The brush is so soft and just press the pink tip, the highlighter will come out on the brush. It's very easy ^^

DREAM ON FOUNDATION - Slim & Cover #1 Light Beige (RM 24.95 after 50% discount)

This is the second time I bought foundation. The first time, I bought elianto's foundation and I just use a few times. It's a #2 natural color. It's ok when I apply it but it some how gets darker than my own skin tone after few hours. Like what people say, "De-oxidise". I'm not really favourite it and now I just apply BB cream. Back to the foundation ^^ I hope this time I bought the right one and it's #1 and hope it does not "de-oxidise" >.< Oh~ It smells really really nice ^^

Eyelash Curler - Silicon Type (RM 4.15 after 40% discount) *ALL ASSECORIES HAVE 40% DISCOUNT!!!

I really meant to buy the premium eyelash curler since it had 40% discount on all assecories but I don't see the eyelash curler T.T I guess it's sold out.

That's the few things I bought on that day. Now, here are a few stuffs that I previously bought.

OH~ M'EYE LASH - TOP COAT (RM 15.00++ after 20% discount - current year end promotion. I've forgot I bought it for how much =P)

It's a very good make up piece. For a single eyelid like me, my eyelashes naturally face down. Eventhough I curl it, it won't last for a long time. When it happened, the mascara that I applied will smeared on my lower eye part. This top coat is amazing. It not only laminate the mascara, it also help to hold the lashes on its place after curled.

STYLING EYE LINER - White (RM 12.00++)

PETIT DARLING - Black Eye Shadow (RM 9.90)

It's very pigmented. Just apply a little, you can see the color.

DEAR DARLING ULTRA SHINE LIPS -Lip Stick #14 Strawberry Milk (RM 28.00++ after 20% discount)

I really love this lip stick. It became my favourite one because of the color and it does taste/smell like strawberry ^^

That's the end of my entry and before I chaoz~~~ Here's something funny that I wants to share which happens yesterday when Jing Yin and I went to sing k at Greenbox.

I hope it really tickles you ^^ MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Tomorrow going to share some Christas related pictures

Omigosh!!!

2009-12-22T12:30:00.001-08:00

Yeap. Just like what my title represents what I'm feeling right now. IT'S BEEN 7 MONTHS LONG!!! That I didn't bloggy >.< Actually there's so many things happen to me during this period of time but I didn't blog it. What a waste babe~ Never mind that. Tomorrow I'll be updating some pictures of some new stuffs I'd get at Etude House. ^^

Now I jinja need my beauty sleep liao although I still have a few episodes of SJM at Zhong Yi Da Ge Da not yet watch. Zooooooom~~ to watch and pali sleep. Now already 4.30 am >.< Nite nitezzzz~

TVXQ's SeolLim's CF

2009-05-20T07:51:00.000-07:00

OMG!!!! Isn't it cute?? Micky was so darn cute. He can be funny when he wants to and he can be charismatic and touching when he performs Brian McKnight's One Last Cry. They were chosen to be the spokesperson because they are very popular group both in Japan and Korea.

Currently, they are holding their 4th Live Arena Tour concert in Japan with their 4th Japanese album entitled The Secret Code. ARRGGHH!!! Wish I can be there to watch the concert. They are singing LIVE!!! However, the Dolphin Xiah Junsu got injured while rehearsing and he needs to sit on a wheelchair to perform. Pity him~

LOVE STORY (Taylor Swift) meets VIVA LA VIDA (Coldplay)

2009-05-19T15:14:00.000-07:00

This piece of composition was a superb ones. It was recommended by Christine. When I listen to it, I don't know why I feel quite relax and just sit back and listen to it. Besides, I'm very impress with their skills. It was really really fast fast and with energy. So, this is a recommended composition.

STUPIAK!!!!

2009-05-14T08:59:00.000-07:00

Why am I soooooooo S.T.U.P.I.D !!!!!!!

Yesterday went to PJ for the interview of study trip to Korea and I messed up/ screwed up the whole interview!!!

Actually I've already forgotten about the whole study trip thingy because the staff didn't call me the day before and ask me to go for the interview. Out of a sudden, they called me in the morning of the interview day and ask me to go for the interview. I was actually sleeping that time and I got so damn happy that I was chosen to go for the interview. I ask them how many people were chosen for this interview, and they say 4 people from the Klang Valley which means 4 from the PJ, Setapak and Sg Long campus and I was 1 of the lucky 4!!! I've become more happy!! I even screamed out that gives my mom a shocked. And it makes me totally cannot sleep back.

I really wanted to go to Korea so badly. Now, there's a chance appear in front of me sure I will grab it. But I've screwed it!!!

The interview, I thought it should be asking about the reasons why I wanted to join this study programme and so on but it turns out to be asking the damn UTAR stuff like who's the president, who's the dean of FAM, when did UTAR established, how many courses did FAM offer, and so on which makes me dunno how to answer it. I swear that if you pull 100 students to ask that kind of questions, 98 of them sure don't know. Who will give a damn to know this kind of things. Their purpose is just to study well and get good result and get the damn cert and find a good job.

The most stupidest thing I've ever done is when they asked me whether do I have anything to say to them, and I can't even think a single reason to back up myself. WTF!!! Then I ended the interview in just less than 10 minutes. I'm really a fool!!! stupid!!!

The most I angry about myself is when I come out of the room, those idea of answering or back up myself just come out just like that!! Like I've should have say that I've been so keen to learn this Korean culture and language, I've joined NS before and independent is not a problem for me, I've should have shown my basic korean language skills, and bla bla bla bla...

WTF!!!

Ish. I'm so damn angry of myself. Why can't I think of something more convincing to answer them and why does those idea need to come to my brain so late??? WHY????

Can't it run through my mind earlier when I'm doing the interview??

I'm really damn sad of this. It's proven now that luck doesn't stay by my side. I've never have luck in my life. Never once, luck stick with me. I really wanted to go. I can see that out of the people who got to interviewed, I'm the most sincere to go for the programme and study. From our conversations before the interview, all they say is for fun, for travelling and so on. It's not about study and get to know their culture.

Haiz... Why I just need to screwed up every chance I met?? I'm such an idiot. IDIOT!!!!!

Finally~

2009-05-11T05:36:00.000-07:00

Yeap~ Finally~

Finally, today I finish all my last final main papers. I feel kind of relief actually. But I know I'm sure gonna sit for the supplementary papers >.<

Anyway, I feel the urge to blog in here about my feelings for today.

It's been 4 years for those who have been with me during the Pre-U days. I wanna thank all my friends who have been with me through all the thick and thin. From the very first time we stick together till now. It's always been you guys who supported me and some "influence" me... Hahaha... The bad influence =.= Chiew Ping, Christine, Apple, Stella, Su Shan, Rui Shan, Fei Ling, Jason (Ah Suk), Vino, Yik Mian, Robson, Nikita, Sheena, Pam, Chiew Chiao, Chiew Ling, Wei Shia, Mei Shi, Wei Jie, Hoi Yew, Ling Ling (300), Joanna, Mun Yee, Shu Hui, Yoke Peng, Pam, Sze Mei, Jing Chen, Li Mun, Ai Leng... (Still have anybody I didn't mention??? Sorry that I forget to mention your name. Do remind me ler...) I'm really grateful to all of you.

And I'm really wanna say thank you to my crazy housemates whom we live together for 3 months. It's been the most enjoyable 3 months with you all although you all go clubbing after i move out >.< NOT FAIR!!!!! Lols~ But I'm truly happy get to live with you guys especially my pretty room mate, Chiew Ping. She bear alot when we stay in 1 room. Hehe...

And my Sifus, Chiew Chiao and Chiew Ling (Nana). Thanks a million for teaching those calculus. If not been you 2, I think I'm still suffering with the calculations, accountings, maths and those crazy numbers and formulas. Thank you sincerely from my heart. Apple Jie~ thank you for your craziness. Su Shan and Fei Ling (Fei Fei)~ Thanks for your calmness and studious mood. It does affect me you know?? And thanks to the cooks in the house, Fei Fei and Nana for your delicious and yummy homemade dishes. Oh~ And Moon, our beloved housemate that are always so fashionable, good chatter and joker. Thanks for making my every day in the 3 months full of excitements.

My 3 years Uni friends, Shiau Kuan, Bee Theng, Siew Mun, Sze Min, Yue Wen, Wei Hong, Kah Fai, Albee, Pui Kuen, Choe Wah, Shieh Yee, Celine, Hui Sin (tomato), Cheh Sin, Winnie, Li Ling, Zhen Ning, erm... did I left out anyone?? I think... Nope~ Thanks for the fun and excitement we had in the 3 years of together. Thank you very much. I'm really happy that we are classmates for 3 whole years. I'm really grateful with all of your companion.

The last dinner we had together just now was the yummiest. I will never ever forget the taste of it. Feels like we've been a close family after all these years. Feels like doesn't wanna be apart from you guys. I'm so gonna miss you all.

After come back from dinner, suddenly my mind flashback to the older days. My mind keep playing the things happen this past 4 years scene. It makes me cried. I feel kinda sad right now because we're gonna part for our own ways. But I still hope all the best for your all future undertakings.

Organisors!!!! Please organise gatherings!!!

Dunno what to say anymore. Thank you for all of your caringness and friendship. Do hope to keep in touch with you all so our bond will not loose. Gonna miss you all. Muacks!!!

Flunk A Paper!!!

2009-04-28T12:38:00.000-07:00

Haih~

I'm so sure that I really flunk the very first paper which is Corporate Governance. What to do?? Who ask me didn't study and memorise the things that didn't come out =.= and somemore go write the answers at the wrong question =.=

Really stupid >.<

Haih~

Last semester already and this is the last finals for me. Really don't have the mood to study at all!!!! After 3 years of the same routine, I've got bored. After 3 months i heard the word final again and sit for the exams. It feels like time flies by really fast and now, it's the end of the 3 years of studies.

And my CGPA SUFFERS!!!!! It drops like hell and now it's just 2.4 something. And now I've flunk that CG paper, need to sit for supplementary paper which the highest grade I can get is C equavailent to 2.0 =.= I'm sure that my coursework did quite well and if I put more effort in it, I might get a B or even an A!!! Now, I think it will drop again thanks to the supplementary paper.

Haih~

What is going on with me?? Why can't i just concentrate and memorise things?? I've got so lazy and my mind is not working!!!

Haih~

Feeling Much Better~

2009-03-10T13:18:00.000-07:00

After yesterday outing (9 March) with Michelle, Esther, Jing Yin, Marcus, Junho, Chloe, Lilo, Blurry, and Vic, I'm feeling much better. I didn't think so much of it.

Since Esther and Jing Yin ride in my car, I can't stop laughing with till we in the the KTM, LRT, in Michelle car, at Daorae, at 1 Utama, in the cinema, and in Jun's car. Yesterday I really had a great laugh especially in the cinema when we (me, Esther, Jing Yin, Marcus, and Junho) watched "Love Matters". I really laughed my heart out for the 2 hours in there.

I'm a person who does not like to show my unhappy face to people or at least I will try to act cool or just nothing without any smile. That's why I'm too secretive. I like to hide my true feelings.

Anyway, I won't think too much about it anymore. I still need to live my life. I don't want to get depress and later on kill myself like what the korean actress did. What a pity. Now, what I need is to release those damn thing out like what I did yesterday, laugh all day!!! Laugh away my pain, my unhappiness.

Too Secretive???

2009-03-08T12:41:00.000-07:00

Just like the post title: Too Secretive???

I'm asking myself this for many many times. But the answers is always "YES". Yes, I'm a secretive person because to me, it's really hard for me to open up myself to people because I'm scared that in the end I will get hurt. This really happen a lot to me.

There's this incident happen to me on my birthday. Yeah!! It's on my birthday. I've got beaten up like hell by my mom because of the misunderstanding. She don't even understand me. She never think of what I'm facing, feels and all those. For the first time in history, I called my dad. When I heard his voice, I directly break down. I can't stopped crying. I try to explain all those misunderstanding things to him in between my tears. I can't even talk properly. He keep asking me to calm down, talk properly but I can't. He ask me to hung up first and will call back later. By the time he calls back, I've already calm down but I start to cry again. This time I manage to explain to him. He say that I'm too secretive. I always hide myself in my room. Don't want to tell anything to them. I just can't tell them anything because I know they will object. How to tell them when I already know the result?? However, this won't last long and now we're back to normal. Normal means they still don't understand me.

Then, in friendship. I really heart break with this. I always feels it. I feel that I don't have friends. In terms of close friend. After I rethink about this matter again, suddenly I remember my post in my friendster's blog. So, I will be copying the whole thing to here because I lazy to write the whole thing again because it's the same thing. Same thing I wanna post now with about 6 months ago.

From Friendster's Blog. Date August 6, 2008

I’M TIRED. I’M DAMN DARN TIRED!!!!!!
I HATE TO FOLLOW OTHER PPL’S FLOW. I HATE TO GET BLAMED. I HATE BEING ACCUSED. I HATE BEING HATE!!!!!

I DUNNO WAT’S GOING ON WITH MY LIFE. FOR 21 YEARS OF LIVING IN THIS SO CALLED PLANET EARTH, I’M SUFFERING. HAD ANYONE NOTICE THIS?? NO RITE. NOT EVEN MY OWN FAMILY MEMBERS. THEY JUST DUNNO ANYTHING BECOZ ALL THIS WHILE I KEEP IT TO MYSELF. AND NOW I’M DARN HURT.

MY LIFE IS BEING FATED WITH NO CLOSE FRIENDS. WAT THE HECK!! WAT THE HECK WITH THIS?? I’M NOT GREEDY AT ALL. I JUST WAN 1 CLOSE FRIEND WHO CAN UNDERSTAND ME, SOMEONE I CAN TALK MY HEART OUT N SOMEONE I TRUST. IS IT I’M WRONG??

U KNOW. SOMETIMES I REALLY JEALOUS OF OTHER PPL. THEY GOT PPL TO CELEBRATE BIRTHDAY WITH AND MANY SURPRISES. WAT I’VE GOT?? I’M TIRED OF GETTING PPL’S ATTENTION. I’M TIRED OF IT N I’M SICK OF IT.

I HAD SOME NITES CRYING WHEN I THINK OF WHY I’VE GOT NO TRUE FRIENDS. IS IT I’M TOO UGLY. IS IT I’M A MONSTER THT’S Y NO PPL WAN TO BE FRIEND WITH ME. EVEN WHEN I’M WRITING THIS SHIT OUT I’M CRYING. LAST TIME I GOT A GAL WHO DIRECTLY REJECT TO BE MY FRIEND. HAH! SHE’S THE 1ST PERSON I KNOW WHEN I GET INTO PRIMARY SCHOOL AND SHE TOLD ME THT AFTER A FEW MONTHS. SO, I’M THT SCARY HUH?

THIS ALL REALLY BREAKS MY HEART. I ADY CAN’T ENDURE IT. I HATE TO GO GET ATTENTION FROM PPL HOPING THT THEY NOTICE THT I DO EXIST. I’M TIRED OF IT. I’M SICK OF IT. WHY MUST I BE THE ONE WHO ALWAYS WANNA GO GET THE ATTENTION?? CAN’T THEY JUST NOTICE ME AND CARE FOR ME??? AM I ASKING TOO MUCH???

I DON’T CARE ANYMORE. I DUN WAN TO DO THIS TIRING STUFF WHICH HURTS ME FOR 21 YEARS. SO WAT?? NO FRENS "ZAO" NO FRENS LA. I DUN CARE ADY. I’M SICK OF IT. I’M DARN SICK OT IT.

That's the freaking post I blogged 6 months ago. This year, however, I've got my first birthday surprises from my friend who we knew for 4 years. I really thank her for giving me that surprises. That FIRST surprise happen in my life.

Other than that, I don't think I belong to this world. All I want is just to have the feel of belongingness. Feels that I'm belong to this society, to this world, to this planet. Is it I'm asking too much??? If I can't even find 1 person who is true to me, close with me and understands me, I think I won't be too secretive anymore because this person will understands me inside out. But this person just don't exist.

Am I lonely?? Yeah. I am lonely. But what can I do? Nobody understands me because I'm too secretive. THAT'S BULLSHIT!!! People can understands me even if I'm too secretive because only true friends will never take that as excuses. They will understand me no matter what, whether I'm secretive or not.

I really sick of this damn matter.

Crazy Gathering!!!

2009-02-23T09:08:00.000-08:00

Yeap!!! Had a fun day with the K-Workers gang a.k.a "The Lung Gang" last Saturday, 21st February 2009 at Times Square. We did nothing much or should I say I'm the only one who are the blur queen of the day?? XD I think it should be the effect of drinking the nutrition shake because I just had that and head out to my destination.

Well, I reach there around 2 pm (psst... already late for 2 hours >.<). Rang up Abby and ask where are they. She say they are at the cinema ticketing counter. So, I directly dash there. Reach there and directly saw Abby, Sin Yin and Shu Yee. I sneakily sneak up to them and put my arm around Shu Yee. Then, only they notice me. Hehe..

KJ was lining up to buy the tickets and that Aaron went to woo gals. He left his buddy there lining up all by himself. Such a shame on you... XD After that, we went for window shopping. We went to Body Shop first. And OMG!!! There's this sales promoter... The first time I saw "him/her" I was like... "OKAY~ She's a guy." But when "he" open "his" mouth... "his" voice is soft like a lady. Unfortunately, when "his" colleague ask "him" things, "his" man voice popping out. Hahahaha... Actually I really feel that it is funny because since he ady pretend a lady's voice at first, why don't he just keep on pretending. I was totally gonna burst out laughing there but I just withstand it. It will be rude if I laugh and to show that I'm not discriminating "his" type. I'm still ok with "them" because I met a few before when I work at Genting. So, it's nothing for me.

Karen join us after we left Body Shop. We went to elianto because I wanted to buy the nail polish remover. And the "Lung Gang" was in action again. That Aaron put on the nail varnish, a light blue one (I only notice that when we want to go into the cinema hall). They just joke around and keep lung-ing here and there and I wasn't noticing them at all. I was hungry to death by that time but I still need to wait for another hour. By that time, I already no energy. We still walk around to see the shoes. I need to buy a pair of heels!!!! Gosh... but in the end i'm back home with empty handed >.<

When the clock strike 4 pm, I directly say to them that I wanna eat already. Beh tahan. So, we went to Gasoline. And you know what?? The "Lung Gang" was in action again. OMG!!! We are the certified certified (double certified) lung people especially Aaron and KJ!!! Both of them really unstoppable!!!!

After that, we went to watch movie. Talking bout the movie, we watched "Look For A Star" acted by Andy Lau and Shu Qi. Actually this movie is not that bad. It's funny in the first half and romantic for the next half part. For me, I will rate it.... a 6/10. I rate it 6 because it's funny and the most romantic part is Andy's chaffeur's love confession. I did tear up in that part. Really touching. Overall, it's a bit boring and not worth RM 11.

After the movie, we all headed back to our own home sweet home ^^

Below are the pictures taken on that gathering. Enjoy~

Thesis Submition

2009-02-16T09:14:00.000-08:00

Finally!!! Finally!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today, Monday, 16th February 2009, we finally submit our final year project a.k.a thesis at 12 pm!!! Another big relieve for me and my groupmates as well as the whole BBA course Y3S3 students.

It was a really nerve wrecking process =.= The coordinator/ collector for the thesis makes the whole atmosphere so tense and the process of submitting the thesis was way too formal. He keep ask us "You confirm?" and we keep checking the signatures and forms again and again.

We were so happy that we finally submit our work and even plan to have a celebration at Jogoya *wink wink* That is just my suggestion and it all need to depends on my team mates also.

Although we solve 1 problem, there are still many disasters following behind. Every week had midterms, assignments need to submit next week and the following week and so on. Oh yeah, don't forget the presentations. All I can say is "I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME!!!!!!!". Wish that I got more time!!!

The Freaky Friday

2009-02-15T11:18:00.000-08:00

Last Friday was a crazy day!!! I've got midterm test in the afternoon at 2.30 - 3.30 pm. So, I study and revise from 8 am in the morning. However, being a sleepy head, I always wake up a few minutes then sleep a few minutes. This carried until 10 am when I realise I've got a little time left. I try my hardest to keep myself awake and revised all the notes. 2.00 pm head to University for the test.

After the test, I forgot that I need to have discussion with my group and I already promise to meet Jing Yin at South lobby. So, I directly sms Jing Yin to wait a while for me because it was just for a while. However, my other group members need to settle a few things first and they were late. So, Jing Yin don't blame me, BLAME THEM XD... Sorry to make you wait for more than an hour and you headed back yourself >.< At Jing Yin's house, my yobo, Esther cooked ddokbogi on that day. As promise, I will go and try her ddokbogi. The ddokbogi look so nice. Even you just look at it, you will drool. Don't believe??? Just take a look at it.....

The ddokbogi that Esther cooked.

Look nice right??? That big oval object is a hard boiled egg ^^

Unfortunately, the ddokbogi were TOO chewable. Jing Yin and I questioned her bout this. She say she already cooked it for a long time and before I reached their house she pour it back into the saucepan and cooked another 15 minutes but the ddokbogi still the same. No choice, we had to eat the 600 gram ddokbogi within just the three of us. Actually, the first piece I ate was actually very nice as I don't like to eat ddokbogi that is too soft and it will stick onto my teeth and gum. However, the more I eat, the more I need to chew. I chew till no energy already and I was so full. From one hill, we eat till it was flat. Then, just left a few pieces. The three of us eat till cannot even eat another piece. The remaining few pieces, Esther had to throw it away. I think the cost for this ddokbogi meal cost us around RM 20++. Expensive right $.$ After that meal, we banned ddokbogi >.<

After the dinner, I suggest to go sing karaoke but the price for that time was RM 40++ per person. Crazy. Then we change it to watch movie instead. Esther check the time and the next movie available was Valkyrie at 6.30 pm. That time it already 6.15 pm!! We only got 15 minutes to reach Jusco. We went out at 6.20 pm and "fly car" to Jusco. I keep telling them that cannot reach there by 6.30 pm because from my house to University also need 5 minutes. And it's near. Jusco was a bit far. Esther keep saying "Can reach one. I got confidence on you." Sweat =.= But I got shocked also. We really reach outside of Jusco before 6.30 pm but there is a big jam at the ticketing counter and in the end we still late for our movie.

Actually we did share many stories about the boys along the way. During eating the TOO chewable ddokbogi, in the car to Jusco, during Esther and Jing Yin's second dinner at the Laksa shop till we in the car heading back home. All of it was so funny but I'm very lazy to type it here. Too sleepy ady... It's 4.10 am now.

That the freaky friday that I had. Adios~ Oyasumi nasai~

Final Year Project a.k.a Thesis is FINISHING!!!

2009-02-10T01:44:00.000-08:00

Wow~

Finally, my group's thesis is going to be bind into the thick blue hard cover book today. Today at 10 am, we went to the printing shop to print our "baby" out. When we print it, we check it 1 by 1, page by page, number by number and it was tiring (because i'm the one who goes to and forth from the printing machine) plus panicking (scare there will have errors). Finally, it was finished printed and ready to be bind into books.

It was a big relieve for us. We have work on it for the past 4 months and now our "baby" is going to be born perfectly after a few more days. Thinking back the process that we went through, it was a memorable one with all the sweets, sour, bitter, spicy, and salty (sweats) taste. From what topic we want to do, to find the suitable journals, to write our own literature review, to distribute questionnaires (in my previous post), to collect back the questonnaires, to key in the datas, to analyze and discuss the result, to do the chapter 1 and finally, now to bind it into books. Thinking of how we cooperate and do our tasks as a team really touched my heart, from the very bottom of it. I really want to thank my team mates who had the same stress as me and still bear this whole process with me.

Thank you~

Bad Luck Strike For 4 Times!!!!

2009-02-09T02:04:00.000-08:00

Omg!!!

I really dunno is it this year is my bad year?? So far in this 15 days of Chinese New Year I already slipped and fell down for 4 times already!!! Even on today. The last day of Chinese New Year!!

What is happening to me?? I'm going to change that sandal already. I slipped and fell 2 times when I'm wearing that. Going to throw that away for good. The other time was slipped and fell in the toilet and another time was tripped and fell just yesterday only.

The funny thing is the dream I heard from onnie. Yor... How can she like that. Dream of that kind of dream and the suffered one is me and not that baka. She dream that she push that baka down the stairs at the same place I was fell just now because he is annoying her.

Haiz...

Strike 4D also didn't so "leng". Hope that my luck will come to me sooner and maintain longer. I don't want to keep slipping or tripping and falling. Very pain ler T.T

Complete 10 Days Course

2009-01-10T11:19:00.000-08:00

Finally I finished the 10 days soft skill programme namely K-Worker programme. My trainer is from Internexia Sdn Bhd. Her name is Ms. Sheela. Basically this programme is teaching us Team Building skills, Interpersonal skills, Logical Reasoning skills, Creative and Innovative skills, and Presentation skills. This course is definitely tiring because it starts from 9 am to 5 pm. Really like working hours and by this time I also struggling with my final year project a.k.a thesis. Back at home already tired like hell and still need to do the thesis. I really beh tahan... However, this course is quite fun and i got to know more people and observe and experience different characters. All I want to say is thank you to all my soft skill-mate that bear the 10 days long programme with me and I really appreciate our friendship that we build during that time. I will never forget you guys and gals.

Wei Van, Sze Yeun, Pei Chin, Shu Yee, Riana, Grace, Mei Mei, Aaron, Sin Yin, Kenneth, Nak Wen, Abby, Wai Loong, Yean, William, Carmen, Soon, K.J, Stella, Rui Shan, Yan Jia, Karen, and Kisho (although we didn't really talk before and you were unable to come.. I still cherish you ^^).

Really "paiseh". After finish the course for such a long time only blog this out. Finish the course on 10th January 2009 ^^

Bukit Bintang One Day Trip... A Happy One ^^... NOT!!!

2008-11-29T09:30:00.000-08:00

Dang!!!

It really was a day. A tiring tiring TIRING DAY!!! I've never been that tired before. It's even worse than the TVXQ 2nd concert here in Malaysia.

The purpose of walking around Bukit Bintang was to seek help from the hotels to help us fill in the questionnaires for our thesis.

We met up at Times Square at around 10.30 am. Then we break into 2 groups. Pui Kuen and me in 1 group. We walk to the Berjaya Times Square Hotel first as it is just the same building. We went to ask the receptionist of where is the HR department located. Its actually behind and behind (I don't know what exactly is it =.=). Well, its ok. We still have our mouth with us. We can always ask people. We walk walk walk and walk. Then I feel something soft like water. I thought it was raining. But its not. Its way more worse than that. OMG!!! It was the garbage collector who is washing the floor. Eeeewwww... The water splatter way to our direction. Lucky, he's not spray the water to us but its still disgusting because the water drops onto my face and my clothes. AARRGGHHHH!!!!!!! What a bad thing.

Then, we continue our journey but we can't find the door the receptionist had mentioned. Lucky we found a staff and he lead us there. We did the procedure with the security and went to the HR dept. My heart beat very fast and I'm really nervous. It was our first time and first hotel that we asked. We went in and saw some staff and talk to her. Well, we need for their approval. It's ok I guess. It's their procedure anyway. We went out and take back our ID and go to the next hotel which is Melia Hotel.

At Melia Hotel, we met a really funny guy receptonist. He's really helpful as he show us how to go to the HR dept with his extraordinary body language. Hahaha... We went there and the security was quite easy to find because it's just on the left corner. We done the visitor procedure and went to the lift to the HR dept. When we got out of the lift, we got shocked. The area was under constructions and I can't see the "office". Lucky there's a foreigner saw us (he went into the lift after we came out) and give us the direction. Ok... we reach at the HR dept which is behind a door that seperate the renovation area with the office. But to our dismay, the guy that we are talking to also have questtionnaires phobia. Hahaha... He say "Oh... Not again?? We've already done 4 set of questionnaires and today morning there's another student also beg us to do it. I really cannot help you all already. The staff already make noise saying they don't want to do any already. Haiz... Let me see your questionnaire." We pass the questionnaire to him. The moment he take the questinnaire, he was so shock. It was really thick. Around 9 pages. It was really funny. I mean his facial expressions. But I can't laugh. It will be so rude and we are seeking their help. Then he say, "Wow.. So many. It was a really interesting title though but we really cannot help you. Sorry." Well, we cannot do anything if they can't help us. Its not that they can't but they had already done 4 sets of questionnaires. We need to be understanding.

Next destination, Federal Hotel. Well, I've got nothing to say about Federal Hotel because their HR head was not in. But it took us some time to find the way to reach Federal Hotel and some time to their reception =.= because we went in through back door.

Then, we went to next door which is Royale Bintang Hotel. I tell you ah... Don't you ever come to this hotel. This hotel has the worst customer service of all (although we are not customer but other hotel's staff still treat us way better than them). First, I don't know whether it's our bad day or because of the garbage floor's water, that receptionist give us don't know what direction. I heard he say B2 but Pui Kuen heard B3. Never mind, we tried both. We went to B2 first. It was a parking area. I walk from left to right and can't see a security also. Then we went back to lift. While we are waiting, Pui Kuen told me that she saw a middle aged man at the parking lot there holding a pen or a knife. When I heard that, I totally freaked out because there's no other people at the there except us and that man. When, the lift door open I quickly pull her inside. We did the same too at the B3. We went back to lift and the lift stop at B2. OMG!!!!!!!!! We are so panic. When the door opens, we got shock that theres a middle aged man stood there. He came in and nothing happened of course and ask for which floor will be the lobby. We help him and get our butt out of the lift at B1. When we come out, we saw the security sign and directly go there. We tell the security our purpoe and he say he need to ask the HR dept people first. The HR dept talked to Pui Kuen and say we need to call them first. Ok... I call him and he say we need to follow the procedures. We need to write or email to him with the formal letter from university and he will give it to his manager about it to wait for approval. Then, he say if it is about questionnaires, normally they will not help because it is a peak season right now, all the staff were busy and bla bla bla with keep on going excuses. I told him that I have the letter with me and should I pass to him personally and have a small talk our this matter and show the questionnaire to him. He say no need and ask us to pass the letter to the security and he will bring it to them. Then, we just do as he say and the security guard was even more confuse. I guess no one ever leave things to him to pass to HR. I think the letter won't get to the HR hands either. What the heck. He din even appoint us to his working area and his attitude on the phone was really not and doesn't sound friendly at all. We risk our lives (although nothing happen) and he just do that to us. I TOTALLY BAN ROYALE BINTANG HOTEL FROM NOW ON!!!!!!!

Next, we just went along the road back to the BB Plaza. Then, we saw many smaller hotels along the road and quickly went in. We did went into around 5-6 hotels and only 1 hotel help us which is the Bintang Warisan Hotel. We called up this hotel before on Wednesday and they agree to help us with no excuses at all. This hotel not bad. Anyone want to live at KL and need cheap hotel, this hotel is recommended ^^.

It's lunch time, and it is the busiest time for the hotel. So, we went to have a drink at Mc Donald and eventually I took my lunch there also. Then, we meet up with Stella and Choe Wah at U Village which we need to take a big round of Sungei Wang because Pui Kuen and I also don't know how to get there from inside of Sungei Wang. Then we have a little discussion. Stella told us their journey. They were well treated by the Grand Millennium Hotel (previously Regent Hotel which TVXQ and Super Junior stayed before ^^) staff. They got the opportunity to visit the hotel and so on but unfortunately when they went there that time it was lunc time and the HR staff went for lunch. They only manage to get 2 sets fill up. They need to go there again after lunch. But when they went back, the HR Head does not approve it. But I think it still ok since they are being so friendly and treated them so well. This hotel also recommended. Hehe...

After lunch, we went to opposite of Sungei Wang... Which we need to walk a distance to get to the bridge to cross over the road. At this time we went to the Coronade Hotel. Pui Kuen and me have phobia of being turn down and really envy of Stella of being so easy. So we ask her to show how did she talk to the people. The supervisor also very nice and friendly and helpful too. He say he will help us to pass the letter and the questionnaire to the Coordinator (I think) to let him have a look at the questionnaires first. After the coordinator finished he will call us or maybe we can call him. He really is very helpful ^^ So this hotel is recommended too.

Then, we went to a really nice and friendly hotel which is ParkRoyal Hotel. The receptionist is friendly, the security is friendly and took us to the HR dept and the HR Head also damn friendly and talk comfortly to us. She still can joke with us. Yeah, this friendly hotel also recommended.

After that, we went to Star Hill and it took us sometime to find the JW Marriot's reception. They are friendly too. Gosh!! JW Marriot. A BIG hotel and 5 star hotel. I really nervous and have this thought that they will not us because it does not benefit them at all. But to my surprise, the HR people willing to help us. She say they previously have help other students before and they can help us too but she cannot confirm that the staff will co-operate well with us. She say will try to help us. OMG!!! I'm really happy that this 5 star hotel willing to help us. I'm happy till I call up onnie to tell her that she is right after we came up to the lobby. I really love her ^^.

We walk back outside and ask one of the staff there where is the Prince Hotel. Then he say we need to walk across the Pavillion to get there. OMG!!!! My leg ady patah and still need me to walk so far!!! Then we ask him whethere there are any hotel nearer. And to our surprise the Westin Hotel is just next door.

We directly went to the Westin Hotel and ask. However, the HR staff was not around and we need to email her. Anyway, the Manager on duty for reception did help us to and really nice and friendly.

By the time we got out of the Westin, it had already rain a while and stop. We are really happy and felt that our luck is coming back after lunch ^^. We went back to Star Hill and to our good luck we found the Ritz-Carlton Hotel. Both us really syok giler. The receptionist was friendly too and told us briefly about the hotel's policy. He show us the direction too. However, when we reach the ground floor, we got no idea where is it. So, we seek help from a guard. The guard really not friendly. After we ask him direction, both of us still don't know where and he saw us like "mang chung chung" he shout at us "sana... bukan sini..." How rude =P Then he shout at a younger security guard to guide us there. This young 1 really way nicer than that old bag =.= He lead us till the security to the HR dept inside!! OMG!!! And he's handsome too ^^ However... the HR lady say they cannot help us due to the hotel's policy which stated they cannot help in research and do questionnaires. Then she ask other 5 star hotels also didn't help us right? I directly say JW Marriot help us. It is a 5 star hotel too. Then she didn't say anything =P

Well, after the Ritz-Carlton we end our journey today and went back to Times Square to meet up with the rest. On our way back. I got shocked by Stella and Choe Wah because they were walking behind us. I actually thought they reach Times Square already. At that moment I really feel happy because we finally finished distributing our questionnaires and need not to worry too much already. Finally, I can breath already.

We reach back at Times Square after going through the raining which I'm glad that it's not heavy. We had our dinner at Gasoline. The atmosphere is not bad. Feels like those japanese restaurants. The food not bad too ^^ But my plate looks empty. Hahaha...

Now understand what I say?? They should have put something.

Salad maybe to make it look nicer ^^

Here's my drink. Its call Plumple. Its sour plum + green apple + jello. Its nice and very high^^

After our dinner, we walked around Times Square because its really jam at that time. By this time we really drag our leg insted of walking. Really patah ady.

When I got home. I really beat up. I can't move anymore. I laid on my bed to rest but i slept without showering. OMG!!! And I sleep for almost 18 hours!!! OMG!!! Such a pig. Hahaha...

Although it's tiring but we also gain some experiences and met up with random character people. It's fun. We met with some funny adventures. It's cool to meet with people.

Miracle Happens!!!

2008-11-23T21:33:00.000-08:00

I dunno where to start but this is really something miraculous. I've never ever dream about that 5 before but today it happens. IT HAPPENS!!! Gosh... I dunno should I be happy or what coz it was the 1st time I've dream about them. I've been longing for this time b'coz all these while I've been envying my friends who got to dream about them like just a snap of their finger. I still remember that I told my friend that "you are too missing them, you always thinks bout them, although u hate them.. you are still thinking about them... tht's why you dream about them..." I always thought this, my, theory was right but it happens to be not 100% precise. I didn't think about them, I didn't miss them, but I still dream about them. Ok ok.. I better stop the crappings. Here is how my dream goes...

I was at the hospital. I dunno what happen and why I was there. I feel very nervous and panic. Jing Yin and Esther were there with me and they feels the same too. Then, I ask Jing Yin what's wrong?? Why are we here?? She says that 5 were admitted to the hospital. From that moment on, i feel my heart was crushed. I'm too scared. What had happen to them?? We waited for a while more and the door was opened. Three of us rush in and saw 5 beds with 5 of them laying down. The 1st bed was laid by Yunho. When we came in, he smile sweetly to us. The 2nd bed was Jae Joong... and the last 1 is Junsu. When I saw Junsu, OMG!!!!!! his head was bandaged!!!! I was like totlly stunned there. What had happened to him??

The room was full of fans... I wonder how come they no need wait outside but they can get inside?? I feel that three of us really a pabo for waiting outside =.= Yunho and Jae Joong start to talk with us. And suddenly I feel that the whole room become more quiet and realise that the fans are no more in the room. I dunno what exactly happen between us with the 5 but i can ensure that we are really happy and I can still remember Junsu's laugh and smile. Then, the doctor come to us. He told us their conditions and bla bla bla in English of course like the americans. We say thank you. Then, he went to the 5 of them start to talk with them in Korean. I was totally surprise with that and ask Jing Yin "Is he a korean or chinese??" Jing Yin says she also dunno.

Right at that moment, my mom wake me up!!!!!!!! AAAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!! It was my first time and it was so short!!!!! I try to sleep back to continue my dream but I can't !!!!!!! yerrrrrrr.... why so short????

Haiz... that's why. I dunno should I be happy or what (sad). But I'm already feel grateful that I can dream of them after all these while. Anyway, I hope they can stay healthy and won't be the same as in my dream (they are in the hospital and Junsu with his head got bandaged. hahaha...). I want to dream more often about them and in different situation not in the hospital.

Confuse O.o

2008-11-16T19:24:00.001-08:00

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really wanna just to scream this once. Early in the saturday morning around 3 am, my bro and I went to send my parents and aunt's family to the LCC. They are going to Hong Kong and Macau. I really really really wanted to go too. Just not my luck that they are going there when I'm still in the middle of my semester. Well, its ok. Acceptable. I dun wan to argue over this since my dad ady promise me i can go anywhere I want when I grad. So, its a tie.

AAAARRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why am I screaming again?? Haiz... These few days my emotions go mixed up. I really dunno what I had to feel towards them anymore. My feelings towards them is hate and love or love and hate. Its the same anyway.

I hate them because I had the same feeling as onnie. They seems to be acting like somebody else. Like a stranger. Why all the things that they kept it safe for all these years and doesn't even want to tell a word, they told it when they promoting their new album?? Why?? Is it you guys wanna true to yourselves or true to your fans or what? It's not that I want you all to keep pretending like an innocent man with no love experience and all. But, why so sudden?? Why is it the things you guys keep denying and at the end you tell us that you've done that before? I'm not saying you guys are wrong or anything to have experience like that but I'm a person who really dislike people to cheat me and being untrue to themselves. I know you guys just want to make a living and all that. I really speechless toward this matter. Anyway, its not like you guys know me at all. It's really non of my business also.

Oh yeah, 1 more thing. Are you selling body or selling music?? Is it that you show more of your flesh, more of your chest, more of your abs that your album will sell well? I dare to ask you, if your so call die hard fans support you just for your body and not your music, will you be happy? Or is this the way for you to repay your fans' support? I dunno... I really dunno...

Although all the above things are being so harsh... but my heart really aching. It's because you guys are the one who bring this music scene to my life. You are the one who makes me fall in love with all these.

Last saturday, I missed the MKMF. Actually I don't even know bout it. Onnie told me everything about how you guys had cried and all that. It really aches my heart to see you guys like that. Onnie say that yunho is really hoping or should I say desperate to win the Best Group award. When it wasn't you guys, Yunho really sad and cry. And then, when you guys won the Best Album award, something really shocked me. It's not Yoochun who cried first. Usually its him who start to cry first. But... now it's different. The magnae cry first. It really shock me. When I was watching it in youtube, I really want to cry with you all but i dun have the feelings. Instead, I worry of something. Something that onnie says that makes sense to me. I don't dare to say it out because i dun think i can take it also personally and i dun wan to get chop by your fans.

However, I really hope that it will not come true. Sometimes i really want to ask you guys, is it true bout this this this. At least i won't keep thinking and wondering here. it really bothers me. I dunno wat i'm crapping so long in here. All my feelings mix up and even this entry also become rojak. not organise and all that. i think i better stop typing to drag the things longer =.=

Mixed feelings

2008-11-07T02:58:00.000-08:00

I dunno what's happening to me. I've got no more feelings toward doing this any more. At first, I'm really excited when i join this. I really happy that I'm in it. It's something I never thought of.

But, now it seems like all the excitement has fade away. It just left the sorrow. I don't know why it become like this. Maybe it's something that someone has promise us but it has change before we even start it. Can i call it as a cheat? This some one has cheated us. I really hate people cheat me. I really hate that.

But it has nothing compare to the the some one side kicks. I really got upset with this. The so call side kicks is such a pretender. They pretend that they know everything and just order us to work. At first the whole team is totally happy with the way we are working as a team. We work things together with no exceptional to the leader. We work as a team. But now, it's all different. Now, we all just wait the "order" from the side kicks.

If it is not the leader, I really had quit this because it's not the way we all like to work with. When the side kicks says we all cause chaos, actually it is not chaos at all. They self declare it as chaos. The chaos happen when they interfere in the team. When we work by ourselves before them, we really doesn't have any matters arise. It is them who cause the chaos.

After they interfere in us, the whole team is not a team anymore. Just like what my friend's dad told me. He ask me "What is teamwork?". Then, he say "It is the manager 'Dim nei work' or ' point you to work'." I really understand what he's saying because I'm facing this matter myself.

I really heartache with this. At first, I really give out all my heart to work this out. I promise myself that I will do my best in this. But some how, this fire that's burning within me has turn off which it shouldn't be. Just because they didn't appreciate it, it really breaks my heart. They keep saying to work professionally. But what the heck do they know. And please, we are skillfull in our own field which is business, mass communications, and others. Our team is well round up with the skillful people who knows their own field. Who knows what they are doing. Don't just go pretend in front of us who you don't even know their abilities and judge us as new comers who doesn't know anything. It's not that we paid those course fees and come out without the knowledge. We do have the knowledge. Don't treat us as dummies.

And now, I really have no feelings toward this. It really breaks my heart...

Friday, 7 November 2008, 7.50 p.m

My Blog Officially Open!!!

2008-10-14T08:27:00.000-07:00

Today is the the day!!! Today is D-Day!!!

Today/ tonight (now >.<), it's Tuesday, 14th October 2008, 11.35 pm is the date and time of my blog to be officially open =p

Frankly, I've already register for this blog for sometime now and today only I start blogging. Actually, I've got nothing better to do so I decided to write something here. Today is just the warm up. I'll try to blog as much as I can from now on.

Why I name it "My Secret Diary"? Well, it's nothing much special. It's just that this name came to me after I watch the movie "The Secret Garden" XD.

What's that big big "Shh~ It's Secret" for? It's just to create mystery-ness and secrecy =p

Oh yeah... Today the sun was hot like hell but around 8 pm the sky start to pour rain so heavily. Even when I'm typing this and playing the songs, I still can hear the rain. It makes me so lazy and wanted to sleep >.<

Well, I guess that's all for today. I need to get back to my assignments and thesis.