Confuse O.o

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really wanna just to scream this once. Early in the saturday morning around 3 am, my bro and I went to send my parents and aunt's family to the LCC. They are going to Hong Kong and Macau. I really really really wanted to go too. Just not my luck that they are going there when I'm still in the middle of my semester. Well, its ok. Acceptable. I dun wan to argue over this since my dad ady promise me i can go anywhere I want when I grad. So, its a tie.

AAAARRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why am I screaming again?? Haiz... These few days my emotions go mixed up. I really dunno what I had to feel towards them anymore. My feelings towards them is hate and love or love and hate. Its the same anyway.

I hate them because I had the same feeling as onnie. They seems to be acting like somebody else. Like a stranger. Why all the things that they kept it safe for all these years and doesn't even want to tell a word, they told it when they promoting their new album?? Why?? Is it you guys wanna true to yourselves or true to your fans or what? It's not that I want you all to keep pretending like an innocent man with no love experience and all. But, why so sudden?? Why is it the things you guys keep denying and at the end you tell us that you've done that before? I'm not saying you guys are wrong or anything to have experience like that but I'm a person who really dislike people to cheat me and being untrue to themselves. I know you guys just want to make a living and all that. I really speechless toward this matter. Anyway, its not like you guys know me at all. It's really non of my business also.

Oh yeah, 1 more thing. Are you selling body or selling music?? Is it that you show more of your flesh, more of your chest, more of your abs that your album will sell well? I dare to ask you, if your so call die hard fans support you just for your body and not your music, will you be happy? Or is this the way for you to repay your fans' support? I dunno... I really dunno...

Although all the above things are being so harsh... but my heart really aching. It's because you guys are the one who bring this music scene to my life. You are the one who makes me fall in love with all these.

Last saturday, I missed the MKMF. Actually I don't even know bout it. Onnie told me everything about how you guys had cried and all that. It really aches my heart to see you guys like that. Onnie say that yunho is really hoping or should I say desperate to win the Best Group award. When it wasn't you guys, Yunho really sad and cry. And then, when you guys won the Best Album award, something really shocked me. It's not Yoochun who cried first. Usually its him who start to cry first. But... now it's different. The magnae cry first. It really shock me. When I was watching it in youtube, I really want to cry with you all but i dun have the feelings. Instead, I worry of something. Something that onnie says that makes sense to me. I don't dare to say it out because i dun think i can take it also personally and i dun wan to get chop by your fans.

However, I really hope that it will not come true. Sometimes i really want to ask you guys, is it true bout this this this. At least i won't keep thinking and wondering here. it really bothers me. I dunno wat i'm crapping so long in here. All my feelings mix up and even this entry also become rojak. not organise and all that. i think i better stop typing to drag the things longer =.=