Mixed feelings

I dunno what's happening to me. I've got no more feelings toward doing this any more. At first, I'm really excited when i join this. I really happy that I'm in it. It's something I never thought of.

But, now it seems like all the excitement has fade away. It just left the sorrow. I don't know why it become like this. Maybe it's something that someone has promise us but it has change before we even start it. Can i call it as a cheat? This some one has cheated us. I really hate people cheat me. I really hate that.

But it has nothing compare to the the some one side kicks. I really got upset with this. The so call side kicks is such a pretender. They pretend that they know everything and just order us to work. At first the whole team is totally happy with the way we are working as a team. We work things together with no exceptional to the leader. We work as a team. But now, it's all different. Now, we all just wait the "order" from the side kicks.

If it is not the leader, I really had quit this because it's not the way we all like to work with. When the side kicks says we all cause chaos, actually it is not chaos at all. They self declare it as chaos. The chaos happen when they interfere in the team. When we work by ourselves before them, we really doesn't have any matters arise. It is them who cause the chaos.

After they interfere in us, the whole team is not a team anymore. Just like what my friend's dad told me. He ask me "What is teamwork?". Then, he say "It is the manager 'Dim nei work' or ' point you to work'." I really understand what he's saying because I'm facing this matter myself.

I really heartache with this. At first, I really give out all my heart to work this out. I promise myself that I will do my best in this. But some how, this fire that's burning within me has turn off which it shouldn't be. Just because they didn't appreciate it, it really breaks my heart. They keep saying to work professionally. But what the heck do they know. And please, we are skillfull in our own field which is business, mass communications, and others. Our team is well round up with the skillful people who knows their own field. Who knows what they are doing. Don't just go pretend in front of us who you don't even know their abilities and judge us as new comers who doesn't know anything. It's not that we paid those course fees and come out without the knowledge. We do have the knowledge. Don't treat us as dummies.

And now, I really have no feelings toward this. It really breaks my heart...

Friday, 7 November 2008, 7.50 p.m